I closed my eyes, I said goodbye to this world, and lying there lifeless in the middle of the house, I manage to hear everything you are all saying, I manage to hear your crying, the crying that is suffocating me even here where I am. You have a painful cry, devastating for those who truly feel your pain, but enough, please. Perhaps you cry like that because you were and remained, until the very last moment, the person who loved me unconditionally, without deceit, who loved me with all my mistakes; you loved me, I know, you loved me so much. But in these moments, do not think I cannot hear you; I manage to feel it when you touch my cold body, that touch penetrates deep inside me, I manage to feel it when you stroke my hair and wet it with your tears. They are your most sincere tears, but enough, because even lifeless like this, those tears are still killing me. You know I cannot bear your tears.
Oh, these are not your hands touching me now; forgive me because it will hurt you, but I am feeling better than in your arms. Believe me, I am feeling a peace that I have not felt for many years. I breathe freely; ah, this air fills me. I am high up, very high, and I managed to realize my dream of flying. It is a miracle here, nothing is missing, it is a world filled with love, peace, and above all, everyone here is happy; can you believe it, even in this world I am not well without seeing that ‘heart of mine’. There, my eyes meet yours, the place lit up, perhaps because we both have the same eyes; do you remember what they used to tell me when I was little? “How much you look like him from the eyes, exactly the same when you laugh too,” yes, yes, that’s what they used to say…… Can you imagine, even in this world where there are no tears, tears are flowing from me, tears of longing for you.. I cannot believe that I am now in front of you, even though I had prayed so much to God; this was the wish I made every birthday, every New Year, every holiday, this was my wish: to be near you… to be in your arms once more, for you to caress me with such love as only you could, to kiss my forehead lightly and hold me tight against you. Why aren't you doing it now, I wonder, have you forgotten me, or perhaps I have done something wrong? Why are you staring at me like that? You know better than anyone, I did everything for you, for you, my heart, only for you; do you remember, whenever I cried out loud and sought strength from you, it truly seemed to me as if you were giving me the strength to move forward. Do you remember how often, when I was afraid, I would pray to you to help me, because you were my angel, and now there are two of us. I will not leave you alone, even here I cannot live without my heart; can anyone? No. You were my heart, the air I breathed, the joy of my eyes and my lips, you were the peace of my soul, and you will be again. You could not stay with me, so I came with you. But what are you waiting for, please come closer…………… how beautiful you look smiling like this, because I remembered you differently; ah, hug me tight, please, hug me, my heart. Hug me and call me just as you used to call me, “my little girl”…………… And you, with that same longing, embrace me, and tears drip from you just like from me in these moments. Tears of the heart, the most painful tears. You say only these words to me: “I AM WITH YOU, AND I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, I HAVE NOT DIED.”
These were your words in the dream I had three years ago. That day when I started school, you truly were not with me to wish me well. But in those moments you did it in my dream; you told me, I am with you, and you truly kept your word, you did not abandon me for a single moment. In your name, in your memory, in the words you had spoken to me, in the love you had given me all those years, there I found the strength to move forward, and today I am who I am. Someone who walks with her head held high and a broken heart, but no one will ever know this; no, in their eyes I am strong, yes, strong, and I remember this advice well: “Smile even when your eyes are filled with tears, smile even when your soul is broken, show that you are strong and become an example of strength for others, how much admiration you will be looked upon with after this. This world cannot bear the weak, it crushes them”…………. And with your hand you touch my hair, you stroke it lightly, you bring your lips close and lightly, with the lightness and sweetness of an angel, you kiss my forehead and whisper to me: “I love you, my daughter, I love you so much”………. TEARS, SO MANY TEARS, it was only a dream, oh God, what pain! I do not have my Heart beside me, but what remains in my hands and soul are tears, only tears……………. This is paradise for me, to be with you……………