From the Psychologist’s Perspective
Jealousy
By Pilo Zyba
In modern times, psychology has been called one of the most essential spheres of human life. It has been described as an irreplaceable barometer related to a person's state of health. In civilized countries, psychologists today are the ones who take on and solve major problems related to the life of the individual, the social group, or even society itself.
But what is psychology? What does this word contain? What are its components, the specific elements that manage to create that strength, that conviction, that healing, which perhaps even medicine itself, with its pharmaceutical preparations, finds difficult?
The word “psychology” comes from ancient Greek and means: psyche—soul and logos—word. All of it summed up in a single thought: the human soul expressed in words.
Today it is well understood and recognized that a human being is made up of a bodily, physical construct, as well as a sensory, spiritual, and psychic one. All of these are connected to the central laboratory that is the human brain itself, which coordinates actions after receiving all the messages of what is happening to the person in the moment, what has happened to them, or what they anticipate will happen to them in the future.
This laboratory is not the same for all individuals, be they men or women. It is a production factory whose capacity is determined by cultural level, individual ability, mental capacity, the circumstances in which the individual grows up and operates, the desire for development, and the individual's own demands on themselves and on life.
The brain, a perfect machine, takes events and actions as the practice of human life and analyzes them uniquely and in minute detail. Thus, it serves as a fine sieve of thought and feeling, to separate and to connect action with logic, with interest, with the individual, and with their purpose for all that was mentioned above.
Today, entering someone's soul requires a great deal of skill, talent, intelligence, kindness, and above all, a special quality that allows you to adapt to their parameters and their desire to cooperate. In our time, in our conditions, and in our countries, the psychologist is still not seen as a doctor of the soul, as a regulator of the spiritual state in particular and the state of life in general.
We have spoken and written about many topics regarding psychology. The fields of its cultivation in the “fields of the soul” are endless, just as the depth of thought it harbors is endless: undulating at certain moments like a stormy sea, or occasionally flooding with joys and sorrows, which lower and raise the spiritual and psychic state, as well as the physical and health state.
In this specific case, today we will address one of the important fields, one of the special spheres directly related to the soul and the psyche, but also to feeling, fear, insecurity, and the deep pain this state creates: jealousy.
From early childhood, if one of the parents shows more care for one of the children (when there are two), the other feels this difference, grows sad, and retreats into a corner of their own. That corner simultaneously gives them safety where they are, but also insecurity about what they see.
This feeling becomes a starting point. The child begins to analyze actions, perhaps not fully consciously, but he understands that something is missing, that the attention paid to him is lesser. And based on what he sees and experiences, he acts.
But often, parents or the family circle do not notice this change. This is exactly where a drama begins that will perhaps never leave the child for the rest of his life.
This is called jealousy created by circumstances, by worldview, and by individual inferiority. Many researchers call this phenomenon an illness, others call it immaturity, while still others call it a lack of mental power to truthfully analyze the actions and circumstances in which the individual lives, creates, or grows up.
Consciousness and unconsciousness are two contradictory forces, for which great psychologists like Mesmer, Becker, and especially Freud have worked and “excavated” in the mines of the human soul to discover the spiritual minerals that act upon it.
While speaking, writing, and analyzing the technique of psychoanalysis, Novalis (1802–1885) writes:
“It is astonishing that so few have dealt with the inner world of man and what a heartless attitude has been taken toward it. How little the tools of physics have been utilized for the soul, and the soul for the outer world.”
This thought, given less than two centuries ago, remains an open question for all of humanity today: regarding its inner world, which, like Magellan’s great voyages, requires new explorations and discoveries.
That invisible world is much larger than the one that surrounds us; much richer or poorer in its essence and in the very existence of man in this world. Everything depends on how he lives in it, how he acts, how he is nourished, how he rejoices and finds happiness, or how he grows sad and falls into a deep pessimism.
In this deep journey toward the inner world of man, the contributions of some of the thinkers and researchers who have touched the human soul with sensitivity and finesse cannot be overlooked. Among them, a special place is held by Stefan Zweig, who, in his literary works and psychological analyses, treated the inner dramas of the individual with rare sensitivity, especially those related to love, jealousy, and unbridled passions.
In many of his stories, we see how a small, seemingly insignificant feeling can take on extraordinary proportions within the human soul, turning it into a destructive force. Jealousy, in this context, is not simply an emotional reaction, but a complex psychic process that involves the fear of loss, the feeling of inadequacy, and often old, unhealed wounds.
In modern times, this feeling has become even more complicated due to social and technological developments. Social networks, rapid communication, and constant exposure to the lives of others have created new ground for the birth and reinforcement of jealousy. Modern man, more than ever, compares, measures, and judges himself against a reality that is often embellished and unreal.
In marital or romantic relationships, this state often translates into deep insecurity. Partners begin to doubt, to control, to demand proof, turning love from a free and beautiful feeling into an internal and external battlefield. This spiritual war, invisible to the outside eye, can be exhausting and destructive for the individual.
Various contemporary psychologists link jealousy to what is called “emotional attachment style,” a concept initially developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by other researchers. According to this theory, the way an individual experienced attachment to their parents in childhood directly affects the way they form and experience attachments in adulthood.
An individual who experienced a lack of emotional security in childhood is more likely to develop pronounced jealousy in relationships, constantly seeking confirmation and fearing abandonment. In this sense, jealousy is not simply a reaction to the current situation, but an echo of the past that continues to live within us.
In today’s social reality, where the pace of life is fast and relationships are often fragile, these problems take on even greater proportions. Betrayal, separation, lack of communication, and daily stress create favorable ground for the eruption of internal conflicts.
Modern man often finds himself faced with a paradox: he has more opportunities for communication, yet feels more loneliness; he has more freedom, yet less emotional security. In this context, jealousy appears as a symptom of a deeper spiritual void.
