A Story
I met your eyes only two or three times and felt their smile catch fire in my own.
Those eyes that broke apart the sunbeam before it touched the ground warmed me more than the sun itself.
How little it takes for a person to feel happy,
so very little,
just a little smile.
But now, I miss that smile. I do not see it, it warms me no longer, and sadness sleeps upon them.
I look for that smile, I look for it in every pedestrian I pass when I walk, I look for it when my shoulders accidentally brush against someone.
I hope to encounter it when I wait in line at the supermarket, when I get off the bus and see the eyes of the other passengers carelessly climbing on.
I look for it on the train, where I wait impatiently for people to lift their heads and gaze out the window.
I look for it endlessly, and when the day slips away without any result, I wait for the moon to lower and show me where the smile that gave me wings is hiding.
To have it again I would do the impossible, but since the impossible is not possible, I can only offer my tears.
I hate impossibility.
And while I wait for the smile to return to me, I jealously preserve the impressions you have left on me,
I carefully keep your advice, I do not forget your laugh. Oh, I do not forget the arguments either, the angers that did not last. But above all I do not forget that you brought back my good mood. You made me laugh.
I repeat with longing every word you have said to me, I sing with your voice as I write upon the canvas of the soul embroidered with letters.
Of this soul that I would give without hesitation, to show how much you are worth, to make you understand that it is not true that you do not
deserve me.
I would give you parts of my life, to show you that a man is measured by the happiness he gives a woman, and you have just done that.
If you want to see how much a man is worth, look at his woman to see how happy she is.
I would make a pact with the devil to be yours, I would show you that love is magic. It turns stone into gold.
Do we not all run toward love??
Are lives not sacrificed in its name?
Why should it matter where this feeling comes from?
You would be convinced that you are not the disaster you call yourself, you would understand how capable you are of giving love and respect.
And you would prove this by looking into my eyes. There you would find everything I had asked for.
But meanwhile, I am losing you. I feel you slipping away from me, and I am left like that child whose balloon was taken by the wind, and with eyes to the sky watches it drift away, unable to do anything.
Watches the balloon drift away, taking the red thread with it.
Sometimes looking at the little finger where it was tied, and sometimes raising eyes to the sky, where only a dot can be seen somewhere high on the horizon.
I count the days, I count the weeks, I am counting the months too....
perhaps I will count years too, who knows.
With every passing hour, you drift further away. By leaving, you thought you were protecting me from yourself,
But can one be protected from love?.. by protecting me you condemned me. And the heaviest punishment is to be torn away from happiness.
What was my fault that my soul gave itself to someone who did not “deserve” me?
What was my fault that I could not command the feeling?
Time will put everything in its place. Logically, that is how it should be.
Time is what will yellow the leaves of the trees, make them fall, and wait for spring so that new leaves may be born.
But there are also evergreen trees, there are leaves that defy time.
I do not know what tree we are made of, until time shows us. I do not know either. Perhaps one day I will find out.
It does not matter how you see yourself in relation to me. What matters is how I see myself, how I feel, what I see in you.
Take my eyes and observe yourself more carefully.
You will see a man who filled an emptied soul, who gave life to a pair of eyes and hope to a heart.
You will see the prince who woke “sleeping beauty” from her slumber. You will see a simple, yet special man. You will understand that I was not mistaken when I trusted someone who saw beyond appearances, saw the soul inside, in its depths, touched the place where the purest drop of my being flowed.
You.. you are different from anyone I have known. And believe me, I have known many people. Life has presented me with various bills to pay. Even if not of this nature, every situation shows you a trick on how to overcome it.
But nothing has taught me how to overcome myself, how to defeat my mind and force it not to think of you.
The heart has no user manual either, and I do not know where to press the button to stop it from beating so fast when my mind disobeys me.
Often the brain and the heart are in conflict when love loses its logic. In me they are allies, they are in collaboration against me, and my only ally is time. I hope it does not abandon me.
Even though it does not show,... I get upset, I suffer. The moments when you are not with me, when I do not have you before my eyes, are few.
When I am not talking to you.
But at the same time I continue to move forward, to laugh, to rejoice in the beautiful moments that life offers us. I continue to take them for the best, for the positive.
I continue to laugh to my very core and cry from the soul.
I have accepted life’s complete package.
I will remain the woman you knew....
You begged me not to change, to remain that wonderful person you found in me. You begged me to be myself.
This, I think, will be the easiest promise to keep, because it takes no effort. This is the only way I know how to be.
To suffer for you, I think, is a beautiful suffering.
To suffer for love is truly a sweet pain.
I will accept suffering for love, rather than being empty.
My dear!....
I thank you.
I thank you for entering my life even for the little time you did, for making me live feelings I did not think could exist.
I thank you for giving me the chance to know people like you, ...I thought there were none.
I thank you for making me experience the divine feeling, the one that has nothing to do with proximity.
I thank you for making me touch the highest peak of feeling, the one not everyone reaches.
I do not know, but I feel split in two parts where one has surrendered and let you go toward impossibility, and the other part still wants to fight to have you.
I am not sure which will win.
Time is the best judge.
I wait for you.....meanwhile I live...
